Chapter Two
BATTLING THE BEGUILING, BANEFUL, BRUTISH BANDITS * Back to the castle of Fjord the Lads frolic to report their findings to their new best friend Daryn. They managed to stay relatively warm during the journey back to Fjord, huddling together to conserve body heat, gettin’ real close and having some good ol' bonding time. * Once there, they showed Daryn the miniature statue of Zeras along with the crimson amulet, explaining that they’d found this necromancy paraphernalia in the secret basement/dungeon of Kevin Giggy. After giving the lads 200 gold each for their hard work, Daryn rushed off to arrest The Giggy. “We’ll be holding a trial for Kevin Giggy not too long from now,” he told them. “I’ll send a footman to fetch you when the trial is about to begin. I want all five of you to attend, so you can tell if his story coincides with what you found in his cottage.” * “Are you going to hurt him?” Strongback asked. Daryn replied, “If it comes to it, I’ll be more than happy to rough him up.” The bloodrager grinned in ecstacy as he fantasized about Daryn roughing up Mr. Giggy in the cold, dark dungeons. * In the meantime, Malcolm and the Mad Lads marched into Snively Sam’s shop to see what was up. Sam was at the counter, polishing some jewelry when he spotted the gingle gangle walk into his inn. “Oh it’s you five.” he sighed, rolling his eyes. The party begin causing a ruckus regarding their arrest the previous day, but Sam holds his hands up and says in a resigned voice, “Look fellas, what happened yesterday is water under the bridge, let’s just try to move on and forget all about it.” The gang reluctantly agree to try to move on from the chaos of 24 hours ago, but Strongback is not completely willing to forgive his mistreatment. In his heart he will always harbor a deep, livid hatred for the racist shopkeeper. * Sam the Sniveling shows the lads some new wares he has acquired, including some heat rods, some Alchemist Fire Bombs, and some other sus. Kerhsgib tossed some gold to the shopkeep and purchased two Alchemist Fire Bombs. Strongback barked at Sam, “I want the lavastone cloth!” Sam told the bloodrager that the cloth was just barely out of his price range, but he offered to lower the price if Strongback could supply his own furs. So Strongback rushed outside to get some furs of his own, he immediately came back inside when he remembered that he already had some furs from Giggy’s cottage. * Strongback pretended that he hunted down, killed, and skinned a deer in such a small amount of time, but Sam wasn't falling for the lie. The golden lizard threw the furs onto the shopkeep and Sam lowered the price of the lavastone cloth to 200 gold. Strongback coughed up the gold and retrieved his heated fur coat. * The lads trundled back outside and soon The Foot Man arrived. Strongback immediately demanded, “SUBMIT, FOOT MAN!” The scrawny lad bowed before the golden lizard, knowing that he was a lowly worm compared to the might of Strongback. * The de-feet-ed Foot Man escorted the lads down into the castle dungeons, to a cold courtroom. Kevin Giggy is there, along with the jury. In the center of the court stood The Juj. The lads took their seats with the jury and waited for The Juj to begin the ritual. Showing the statue of Zeraz and the amulet to Giggy, The Juj demanded, “Explain what these were doing in the basement of your cottage.” The Giggy chuckled jovially and replied, “It’s not a cottage. It’s called a huise.” No one was quite sure how to respond, so The Juj went on, “How did they end up in your basement!?” * “I don’t know! All I know was that I was relaxing inside my huise with my wife and were we attacked by the undead. My wife… she was killed by those monsters, so I ran and ran desperately towards Fjord. That’s all I know, I swear!” Giggy cried. * “Did you try fighting back against the monsters?” The Juj asked skeptically. * “I did! I did! I grabbed my ax and tried to save my wife. But… there were too many of them. They ripped her apart, so I dropped my ax and jumped straight out the window.” * “I OBJECT!!!!!!” Malcolm cried, jumping out of his seat, “THE AX WAS OUTSIDE BY THE PILE OF LOGS! IF YOU DROPPED IT INSIDE THE COTTAGE, HOW’D IT END UP ON THE LOG!?” Stönback, who still had the bloody ax, lifted it into the air and shrieked madly, proclaiming, “MY KNEE!” * Giggy shuffled nervously in his seat and mumbled, “Uhhh… well…” The Juj bangs his gavel and yells, “What do you have to say about this, Kevin?!” * “It was my wife, alright!” Giggy cried, “My wife owned all of the necromancy stuff, I swear! I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen. You have to believe me!” The Juj heard the truth in Gigg’s voice and said, “In that case, I sentence you to eight months in prison, guilty by association with a necromancer!” * The lads weren’t too pleased by the outcome of the trial (Strongback was pleased. He had never liked the Giggmeister), but refrained from causing a scene, as there was nothing they could do. Kevin Giggy was dragged out of the room, but not before whispering a farewell, “Huise.” * The lads left the courtroom and were confronted by Daryn once again. “Thanks for helping us with that trial. It’s good to know that foreigners are willing to contribute to the community.” The lads began getting triggered at the mention of foreigners, but Daryn calmed them by saying, “There is something else you could help me with, I’d give you full Skalsgard citizenship if you do. And you could earn some good money along the way.” * “We’re listenin’” the gang said. * “A nest of giant centipedes has invaded one of Fjord’s mines. They’ve been terrorizing the miners and we’ve been unable to continue mining. We need you to go in there and take care of all of the creatures, either by purging the nest completely or by blocking the nest off.” Daryn explained, “For each pair of mandibles you bring back, I’ll pay you 10 gold. But, for the queen’s mandibles, you’ll get 30 gold. Also, feel free to mine up any ores that you might find down there.” * The lads wish to know a bit more about this mine. Daryn tells them that the mine was dug single-handedly by a dwarf known as Malock hundreds of years ago. Some say the dwarf’s spirit still roams the tunnels of his precious mine to this day. Most Skalsgardians refer to the place as simply ‘Pissing Echo Cave’. “Why’s it called that?” Malcolm inquired. Wearing his sus-face, Daryn says, “You’ll find out.” * The lads eventually agree to this deal, and trundled off to the mine. Outside of the mine, The mad lads find a bloke named Arnfastr that warns them about the dangers inside. The bloke is ignored and the lads enter the mine. * The mine is fairly well lit by the torch sconces on the wall. The gang grabs some discarded pickaxes and Kerhsgib strolls leisurely into the mine, heedless of any danger. Everyone else stays back, knowing full well that the vanara is certainly going to be ambushed. Kerhsgib slithers into a corner to investigate when a massive centipede leapt out of a hole in the wall and grappled the witch with its mandibles. Three more centipedes appear from holes and go in for an attack. * ROLL FOR INITIATIVE! * The battle begins with Malcolm shooting one of the centipedes with his musket, lodging the bullet into its chitinous body. Kerhsgib slips around with the centipede that had him grappled and managed to break free. Suddenly, from the ceiling right above Malcolm, a fifth centipede drops from a hole onto the gunslinger. Malcolm throws the creature off of him. * Strongback and Stönback charged into battle, two-handed greatsword and and scimitar drawn, ready to open up a can of centipede stew. Strongback cleaves down on one of the cretins in the corner. Suddenly, one centipede scrambled over to Malcolm and attacked him unsuccessfully. Stönback slashed this centipede with his scimitar. Nargo whipped out his weapon and attacked the same one. * The battle raged on for another twelve seconds or so. Kerhsgib finished off the last centipede with a big whip of his tail right across the insect’s dirty face. The insect’s last moments were spent anguishing in the fact that it was defeated by a tail slap. The mad lads retrieved the pairs of mandibles from each centipede and stuffed them in their bindles. * With the lowly worker centipedes dealt with, the lads got to work hunting for the main nest and the queen. The lads investigated around the mine, there were no other paths that lead anywhere, except for the tunnels the centipede traveled through. Kerhsgib monkey climbed up to a hole in the ceiling and tossed a Figure of Light into it. The figure ran through the tunnel and eventually got so far that the light was no longer visible. After a moment, Kerhsgib heard a monstrous hiss and then a blast of radiant light. * After gingling around for a hot second, Nargo takes it upon himself to personally investigate the tunnels. He swooced into a tunnel in the wall and crawled through the narrow, chitinous burrow. “What do ya see in there?” Kerhsgib yelled through the tunnel. * Nargo yelled back from far into the wall, “Not much of anything, just a bunch of winding paths. Actually, wait, I think I see something -- AH!” * Suddenly a centipede erupted from around a corner and attacked the unsuspecting gnoll. Nargo did the only logical thing his hyena brain could think of: panic and grab the centipede’s mandibles and try to rip them off with his bare hands. Long story short: it did not go well. * Nargo was dragged deep into the tunnel, kicking and screaming, trying to liberate himself from the centipede’s grasp. He screamed for help, so Kerhsgib hopped on in and pulled the ranger out, freeing him from the centipede’s pincers. * “Didn’t go well?” Malcolm asked sarcastically, cleaning out his teeth with a toothpick (there was nothing in his teeth, he just thought it made him look cool). Nargo hissed, "You could say that again," and the lads concocted a new plan of attack. * Meanwhile, while Nargo, Kerhsgib, and Malcolm were making plans, Strongback and Stönback were still at the entrance to the mine, completely motionless and silent, doing nothing, contributing nothing, acting as dead weight. * The Mad Lads (minus the back brothers) investigated a few of the holes and decided to tunnel through the one that Nargo got attacked in. They all climbed in, Nargo leading the way, Kerhsgib in the back. After some rustlin’ and tusslin’, the lads came across a large opening in the tunnel that lead to a small chamber. * Inside the chamber was a large nest of centipede eggs and, creeping in the middle, was a massive centipede queen. Leo needs a new pair of shoes. * The lads inched away from the opening and discussed their plan in the tunnel, keeping their voices low as to not attract any unwanted attention. Kerhsgib mentioned the two Alchemist Fire Bombs he bought from Snively Sam, and a plan was decided. Nargo would tie the bombs together with his rope, then Malcolm would hop to the front of the crawling order and chuck the bombs into the chamber, and, to finish it all off, he’d blast one of the bombs with his musket. If everything went as planned, the explosion would destroy the eggs and greatly damage the queen. * The Lads painstakingly crawled back out into the mine. Nargo tied the bombs together, and Malcolm slung them over his shoulders. Ready to head back, the lads snapped the back bros out of their stupor and forced them to come along and agree with their plan. The brothers literally had no choice but to help, for the ranger, gunslinger, and witch were so considerably more powerful that they could order the lizards to do whatever they wanted of them. The lizardfolk were weak, puny little creatures. Utterly pitiful and slimy. Disgusting weaklings. Hideous cowards. Meek worms. Timid rats. Truly, the brothers were the slime of the earth. * Malcolm, Nargo, Kerhsgib, Stönback, and Strongback (in that order) crawled into the tunnel, ready to put their plan into action. * Before any action could be taken upon the nest or queen, a young centipede ambushed the lads, pincers ready to strike. Malcolm, leading the pack, jammed the barrel of his musket into the creature’s face and pulled the trigger, killing the monster instantly. The lads painstakingly shoved the centipede corpse out of the way and continued onward until they reached the chamber. * Malcolm successfully chucked the bombs into chamber, they landed relatively close to the queen. He fired at one of the bombs, triggering a massive explosion. Every single egg was burned to a crisp and the queen was tremendously injured and angered. * One by one, the lads slinked into the chamber, ready to fight, it was a slow process, Strongback didn’t even get to participate in the fight. * The giant queen was about to attack the sneaky gunslinger, but Kerhsgib managed to distract the beast by summoning a horse into the chamber. The queen was beyond confused at seeing a mighty stallion suddenly pop into existence, in the corner of her chamber. She attacked it with her large mandibles, ripping the majestic steed in half. While she was busy gorging on the corpse, the lads hacked and slashed, shot at and slammed, insulted and berated at the centipede. * During the savage battle, the shimmering phantom of the dwarf Malock appears in the corner of the chamber. Paying the five adventurers no mind, he relieves his bladder in the corner with an echoing trickling sound, then fades back into the shadows. After a confused pause, the lads continued their assault upon the queen. * Nargo delivered a mighty blow upon the queen with his greatsword, but the massive centipede retaliated instantly, plunging her mandibles deep into his shoulder. The injured gnoll instantly collapsed to the floor, barely clinging to consciousness. * Stönback steps forward, fed up with this gigantic insect. He drives his scimitar straight into the beast’s skull, pinning her against the stone wall of the chamber. Then, using his stony fists, the lizardfolk threw punch after punch into the helpless queen’s stomach (one could say it was a Flurry Of Blows) until the monster exploded, showering everyone in the area with green centipede blood. * Strongback finally slithers out of the tunnel, rushes into the chamber, and roars, “Alright! I’m ready to rumble!” * Off in the distance, once again the lads hear the trickling sound of Malock doing his business. * The Lads scooped up the queen’s mandibles and, after searching around, discovered some ores on the walls. They got to work minin’ up the wall, obtaining some chunks of iron ore, when the lads stumbled upon a small bit of some mysterious green ore, my goodness! Recovering from his shoulder wound, Nargo stuffs the ore into his bindle. While hacking away at the wall, Kerhsgib struck into a source of bright orange liquid. The substance poured out onto the chamber floor like a small fountain. “Check this out.” Kerhsgib alerted the lads to the liquid’s presence. * Unable to determine whatever this liquid is, the lads try to collect as much of it as they can. Kerhsgib drinks one of his light-healing potions and uses the bottle to collect some of the orange sus. Nargo does the same, drinking a potion then filling the bottle. The lads use whatever they can to get as much of the thick sweet orange juice as they can. Nargo made the conscious decision to carry a bunch of liquid in his mouth. It tasted absolutely awful, like a rock covered in dirt. It took all over the gnoll’s strength to not puke the substance out. * The lads departed the mine with the green ore, the orange sus, some iron ore, and plenty of mandibles. * Upon exiting the mine, Arnfastr the guard asked about the centipedes, the lads told to him to go sus himself. Nargo spotted a pottery salesman selling some bowls and such on the streets of Fjord from a small stand. * The jolly halfing introduced himself as Bjorn and asked, “Hello there, friends! Are any of you in needs of some high-quality, homemade ceramics?” Nargo pointed to his mouth full of earthy liquid and the bloke tossed over a jewel-encrusted goblet. The gnoll spat the orange stuff into the goblet, heaving heavily after having to endure the taste of liquid earth for ten minutes. Malcolm bought a large bowl as well, just in case. * The Mad Lads waddled back to Daryn to receive payment for a job well done. “Oh, you’re back. Did you take care of the problem?” Daryn asked. Nargo replied triumphantly, “Yep. Killed the queen and purged the nest.” * Kerhsgib tossed over the mandibles and the Mad Lads each received 20 gold for their efforts. “And for your reward of citizenship, I’ll need you to follow me into the town hall. You’ll have to recite The Oath of the Acolytes to The Juj.” The lads went with Daryn to the hall, where they met The Juj, whose real name they had still yet to learn. * “Ah, so you lads are ready to become citizens.” The Juj said, sitting at a wooden desk, eating a steaming bowl of fresh spaghetti. One could infer that this splendid meal was hand-crafted by none other than The Juj’s mother. He stood up and raised his left hand, and said, “But before you can become official citizens, you must give the oath. Raise your dominant hand and repeat after me.” The lads all raised their dominant hands, except for Malcolm, who planned to wait for everyone else to give the oath first. * The Juj recited, “May the Will of the Winds carry our Nation to Glory. The will of Dvengyr and his followers will not lead us astray. I swear loyalty to the men that carry his will. May glory be had upon Skalsgard!” The lads repeated the phrase without question or unnecessary merrymaking. Finally The Juj directed his gaze to Malcolm, “Will you give the oath now?” * “I suppose….” the gunslinger muttered. He raised his right hand and sighed. The Juj recited the oath and Malcolm said it back to him very sarcastically, making sure to include extra sarcasm with the word “loyalty.” The Juj wasn’t too happy about the gunslinger's attitude, but was satisfied enough and gave the lads their citizenship badges. Little did The Juj know, Malcolm had his fingers on his left hand crossed behind his back while giving the oath, completely delegitimizing the sanctity of the oath. * Back outside, Daryn greeted the lads once more, “Now that you’re citizens, you can legally enter the capital of Skalsgard, called Hofsvagr. But if you plan on going there, I recommend you stop at the small town of Hita on the way, so you can rest up for the long journey.” The lads thanked the guard then trundled to Snively Sam’s shop to get this orange liquid looked at. * “SAM! LOOK AT THIS ORANGE STUFF!” Kerhsgib yelled, shoving a bottle of the liquid into the shopkeeper’s face. “Eh?” Sam sniveled, “Lemme see that.” he took the bottle, “Hmm…. I’ve never seen anything like this. Looks pretty interesting though. I recommend trying to freeze this stuff, seeing what that does.” The lads forked over the nugget of green ore they’d mined, surprising Sam. “This is Viridium,” he informed them. “It can be forged into very powerful weapons. But it’s toxic. You’ve got to keep it in a lead-lined sack, or else it’ll slowly poison all of you.” * “Thanks, Arnadlr,” said Nargo as he purchased a heat orb, along with a lead-lined sack to carry the chunk of Viridium in, and the lads marched out of the shop ready to call it a night. Malcolm took all of the orange juice and poured it into the big ceramic bowl that he bought from Bjorn, then trekked through the woods to Giggy’s cabin, a place cold enough that the liquid would freeze. Sam insisted that his backyard was cold enough, but Malcolm refused to leave the liquid alone with Snively. * The gunslinger slept on Giggy’s porch for six hours while the rest of the gang slept soundly in the tavern. Malcolm woke up at around noon and checked the liquid, it wasn’t frozen, in fact, it’s temperature didn’t change at all. So, he slept for another six hours, and when he awoke, the liquid was still completely unchanged. Unhappy, Malcolm charged back to Fjord with the bowl of useless sus. * “Where have you been? It’s been twelve hours?” Nargo asked. No time to explain, Malcolm barged into Sam’s shop and angrily told him the results of trying to freeze the liquid. Sam shrugged, “I thought it would work. But it seems that whatever this stuff is is no mere liquid. I recommend you take this to a powerful wizard, perhaps the wizard in Hofsvagr would know what this is.” * The lads smack Snively Sam around a bit then depart the inn. Nargo suddenly remembers the mysterious stone tablet they discovered in the barrow near Giggy’s cottage, the gnoll rushes over to Daryn to see what the guard thinks. After studying it for a moment, Daryn says that the writing on the tablet is written in the ancient Skalsgardian tongue, an extinct language that no one can decipher. That it, no one besides a renowned scholar that lives in Hofsvagr. “I’m sure he’ll be able to decipher this tablet,” Daryn said as he returned it to Nargo. * The gnoll suddenly leaned in close and asked the guard in a hushed whisper, “...How many wild turkeys live around Hofsvagr?” The guard frowned, then answered with a shrug, “There’s probably a few flocks here and there.” Nargo nodded. “Why do you want to know?” Daryn asked, eyebrows raised. Nargo only shook his head and said, “It’s personal.” He then returned to the rest of the gang and told them of the scholar. * With the mysterious stone tablet and the orange liquid-ore in their bindles, the lads set off on their journey. To Hofsvagr! Away! * Before leaving Fjord, the lads come across some human and halfling children playing in the snow, having snowball fights, building snowmen, and overall having a wonderful time. “Hey kids!” Kerhsgib squeals, approaching the children. The kids, who grew up in a society of exclusively humanoids, were understandably quite taken aback by the little talking monkey coming towards them. Kerhsgib (being the kind magician that he is) starts casting some very basic spells to entertain the children, shooting tiny colorful sparks into the air. Kerhsgib does some handstands while tossing snowballs into the air with his tail. The kids clap and cheer for this strange magic monkey man. * Suddenly, the father of one of the children strolls over, his face had a sour grimace. “HEY, monkey boy!” the father yelled, pointing at Kerhsgib, “What do you think you’re doing to my boy?” * “Just sussing around!” Kerhsgib answered with glee. The man’s son, a short child holding a lollipop, grunted, “Do the roar,” then proceeded to stick out his small, fat, child tongue and have a taste of that sweet sweet sugar stick. * With no other choice but to obey, Kerhsgib complied with the child’s demands, accepting his fate. He breathed in a deep inhale, stretched out his hairy noodle arms, held it for a moment, and: * Kerhsgib let it all out, doing the roar so loud that the cry could be heard all across Posteria. His roar sent out a shockwave that blasted all of the folk at the playground to the ground, including the poor lollipop-wielding child and his father. The father, a look of fear across his face, scrambled back to his feet and grabbed his son’s arm. “Come on Klaus!” he said, dragging his son away from the smiling vanara. “I love you daddy,” the child grunted. * With that ordeal out of the way, the Lads continue on the path to Hita. The trip to the small town is relatively uneventful, after 45 minutes or so of travel, Malcolm and the Mad Lads arrived at the town. * Hita is a fairly quaint town, only a handful of wooden buildings. The streets are unusually baren, even for a small town. The only people who are outside are armored guards. Malcolm instantly feels uneasy in this place. This is the kind of place where free thinking is not allowed. * “WHATAGDHDND J” Kerhsgib yells to nobody in particular, focusing all of his excitement into the inarticulate verbal cry. * A guard hears Kerhsgib’s yell and comes over to investigate. “Hey!” the guard yelled defensively, brandishing his shortsword, “Who are you freaks!?” * “None of your business.” Malcolm hissed, crossing his arms. The guard grimaced and yelled, “Don’t you snap back at me!” The Back Brothers are reminded of their obnoxious brother Snapback. “I’ll ask you one more time, who are you?” the guard growled. * “We’re just a couple of adventurers from Fjord.” Nargo explained, keeping a level head, “We’re on our way to Hofsvagr. We all have citizenship papers if you need proof.” * “Yes! Hand them over! Your papers! Now!” * The lads forked over their Fjord Certificates of Citizenship, except for Malcolm, who merely showed his to the guard, keeping it held close. “You there!” the guard barked at the gunslinger, “Your papers! To me!” Malcolm sighed and slipped on his pair of shades, then reluctantly flicked his certificate to the bloke. The idiot barely caught the paper, angering him. “Nice catch.” Malcolm mocked. * “You’d better silence that cocky tongue of yours, boy!” the guard snapped, “We have strict rules here in Hita. You show the utmost respect to authority figures at all times while you’re here, do you understand me?!” Malcolm smiled and was about to insult the idiot, but Nargo nudged his side with his elbow and whispered, “Cut it out! You’re gonna get us in trouble!” * The guard took way longer than he needed to checking the authenticity of the citizenship papers. “We don’t have all day, pal! Hurry it up!” Malcolm impatiently snarled. The grimy loser shot an annoyed glance at the gunslinger and growled, “I have had enough of your attitude. If you don’t straighten up I’m going to report you to Hrefna, she’s the leader of-” * “I’ve had enough of this whole damn town! I’ve been here maybe five minutes and I already hate everything about it!” Malcolm snapped, “The sooner I can get out of this hellhole, the better!” * “That’s it! You’re under arrest!” the guard screamed. Before anyone else could react, a tall, haughty woman strolled over to the commotion. Nargo, Stönback, Strongback, and Kerhsgib all had bad feelings about what was about to happen, so they creeped away towards the nearby bunkhouse, leaving Malcolm to face the guard and the woman alone. * “What’s going on over here?” the lady screeched in a shrill, commanding voice. “Commander Hrefna!” the tiny guard gasped, “Ma’am, this delenquient has been disrespecting and disrupting the authoritative peace in Hita!” he pointed a nervous finger at the cocky gunslinger. * Hrefna stared her brown eyes into Malcolm’s red eyes. They were approximately the same height. Hrefna wore a long, multi-layered white scarf that fluttered in the cold winter wind and seemed to blend in well with the falling snowflakes, and a bandolier with three scatter pistols strapped to it. Malcolm wore some leather armor covered by a black leather jacket and black headband with white accents. * Malcolm was about to say something, but the commander interrupted, “So, we’ve got a troublemaker in Hita, now do we? Perhaps I ought to toss you in the dungeon. What do you say about that?” * “Piss off.” Malcolm replied simply, “We just want to get to Hofsvagr, so stay out of our way.” The rest of the lads, upon hearing Malcolm use words like “We” and “our” immediately shouted, “WE’RE NOT WITH HIM!” * Commander Hrefna grabbed the gunslinger’s arm and yanked him forward, she barked, “A few weeks in the dungeon will do you some good!” The other guard retrieved some handcuffs and prepared to cuff the gunslinger. * Malcolm pulled away and yelled, “NO! YOUR NOT GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE!” he bolted off, running as fast as he could, into the woods. “GUARDS!” Hrefna yelled, “AFTER HIM!” Two meek guards appeared from around a corner and chased after the gunslinger, deep into the woods. “Probably some filthy GhostBlade bandit.” the commander mumbled. * Hrefna spotted the rest of the lads slowly shuffling away, “HEY! YOU FOUR, STOP RIGHT THERE! You’re under arrest for association with that criminal friend of yours!” * Strongback, Stönback, and Kerhsgib remained silent, regarding the commander with dark scowls. * Not accustomed to being the speaker for the group, Nargo cleared his throat and began, “There must be some mistake here, Commander. We're not exactly his friends. We’ve only been acquainted with that bloke for a few days now. Truthfully we barely know him at all-” * Hrefna blunty cut him off, “What kind of creature are you? What land do you hail from?” After a pause he ranger answered in a low growl, “I’m a gnoll. I come from a distant land called Àreniim. But I don't see what that has to do with anything-” “I’ve never heard of that place, nor your kind before,” Hrefna barked. She aimed one of her scatter pistols straight between Nargo’s eyes. * “So then, you lot claim to be on your way to Hofsvagr?” Hrefna asked with a raised eyebrow. “You don't look like simple adventurers to me. I dare say, with those weapons and armor, you look more like a pack of bandits. Perhaps members of the GhostBlades or FrostBloods.” The commander cocked her pistol, her finger hovering mere millimeters over the trigger. * Nargo replied, as steadily as he could with the pistol in his face, “We’ve already shown you our passports, proving our citizenship. If you won’t take our word for it, then speak with Daryn. He’s a guard in Fjord-” “I know full well who Daryn is,” Hrefna snarled. “As for these passports of yours, they all look fake to me. Perhaps Daryn is the one who put you up to this. Maybe he’s the chief of your bandit clan.” * “That’s ridiculous-” Nargo protested, when Hrefna interrupted, “Enough talk. To the dungeons with the whole lot of you.” she turned to the guard next to her, “Strip them of their gear, and lock them away for ‘interrogation.’ Guards!” she called more guards over to help. * “Fine then. We’ll have it your way,” growled Nargo, losing his patience. It was clear that this woman was not going to let them off the hook. “We've got nothing to hide. If you insist, then let’s get this interrogation over with-” Hrefna suddenly pistol-whipped Nargo across the face hard enough to lay him out flat, unconscious with a bloody bruise rising on his cheek. The commander threw back her head and laughed at the prone ranger. * Strongback was not pleased by this turn of events. He gave a mighty bellow and charged forward toward Hrefna. Kerhsgib tried to step in front to block the massive golden lizardman but it was too late. Strongback had already been pushed over the line and his mind was now fully enveloped in his bloodrage. His muscles bulged and his veins pumped his fiery blood through his body at an alarming rate. The unfortunate Kerhsgib was only trying to help but was basically destroyed and sent, like a silly ragdoll, far off to the side, striking the corner of a building and falling into unconsciousness. * Moments before Strongback’s deadly claws struck down the nasty bird-looking ugly woman, two of her lackeys threw themselves at Strongback, sacrificing themselves and being torn to shreds. Several more thugs heard the ruckus and came running to help bring down the beast. Men were thrown to and fro with every swing of Strongback’s great tree trunk-sized arms until five of the biggest bois in the town guard all went in at once, one man on each limb and one for the head, using their entire bodies just to restrain a small part of Strongback’s impressive, roughly barge-sized physique. * In a flash, the rest of the Mad Lads were restrained and taken along with Strongback to a dirty prison cell. * Meanwhile, in the woods, Malcolm is being closely pursued by two guards from Hita. “You can’t outrun us!” “Stop trying to get away!” they yelled after the swift gunslinger. Malcolm muttered to himself, “Son of a Gorg.” right before one of the guards caught up to him and grappled him to the ground. * “GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!” Malcolm cried, breaking free from the guard's grasp, kicking dirt into his face, and continuing his sprint. “Damn you…!” the grimy man on the ground growled. The other guard had given up out of exhaustion a few yards back. * Malcolm, fairly far ahead of the idiots now, swiftly turned around and shot his musket, firing into the air as a warning shot, “THE NEXT ONE WILL GO THROUGH YOUR SKULL!” he yelled. * Free from the guards, Malcolm kept going, journeying through the woods. His plan was to go straight to Vyngaryl and wait for Varlan Agathion and the lads to show up. * Back in Hita: Nargo, the back bros, and Kerhsgib suffered terrible beatings at the hands of the ruthless guards, before finally being locked inside a cold, tiny, cramped cell. All of their personal belongings have been confiscated; they are left with only basic rags to stay “warm.” Strongback, freezing half to death without his lavastone cloth, had his clawed hands manacled in steel cuffs. Kerhsgib’s magical witch hands were also manacled, preventing him from using spells. Nargo was trying to keep calm in the corner, rubbing at his bruised face. Stönback was using his stone back to try to break down the door, to no success. * “Goddamnit!” Strongback growled, thrashing around, trying to free himself from his manacles, “That damned gunslinger! This is his fault! He gets to run free, while we’re in here paying the price of what he did! If he was here right now, I’d wring his skinny neck!” Nargo, in the corner, muttered, “I’m definitely gonna have some words with him when we get out.” Stönback hissed, “You mean If we ever get out. Somethin’ tells me these guards aren’t against letting us die in here!” as he slammed his back into the door once again. * Suddenly, the lads heard a series of shouting, and the sounds of weapons clashing with one another. “Hey, check it out.” Nargo said, pointing out of the tiny, barred window. Everyone looked outside to see the Hita guards, Hrefna included, battling a group of bandits. Both sides were giving it their all, but the Hita guards seemed to have the upper hand. * The bandits were wearing grey, ragged light armor, were covered in purple tattoos, and seemed to be weiling...nothing. Observing closely, the lads noticed that the bandits were seemingly unarmed, but they attacked as if they were armed with short swords and daggers; it took the lads a few moments to notice that the bandits materialized blades into their hands mere seconds before they struck a blow, then dematerialized them immediately after. Nargo surmised that these bandits must be the GhostBlades that Hrefna was speaking of. * Back in the frosty woods, Malcolm spotted a small camp ahead of him. He laid low in the underbrush and silently observed the camp. He saw a small group of blokes mulling around, quietly speaking amongst themselves. These blokes wore grey cloaks and purple tattoos. One of the blokes, a shorter fellow, spotted Malcolm hiding in the bushes. “Hey! You there.” he said calmly. * Malcolm considered booking it in the opposite direction, but decided to see what these guys were up to. He slowly stood up and raised his hands, a sign of peace, and said, “Hey there. How do you do?” The short bloke outstretched his hand for handshake, which Malcolm shook, and introduced himself as Feykyr. * “What brings you around these parts, friend?” Feykyr asked casually. Malcolm gritted his teeth and said, “I was headin’ to Hofsvagr, and stopped by Hita to rest. But those damn Nazis tried to arrest me for a few mild remarks, so I booked it into the woods, outran the guards.” * Feykyr looked concerned and asked, “Were you alone? Was anyone with you?” Malcolm considered this to be a very odd question, but answered it regardless, “Yeah a couple of other guys were with me. As far as I know, they’re still hangin’ around there.” Feykyr sighed, then looked back to the camp, then back to Malcolm, “Your friends are in trouble.” * “They aren’t really my friends--” * “Come with me.” Feykyr said, beckoning Malcolm into the camp, “Those ‘guards’ in Hita, specifically that woman Hrefna, she’ll kill your friends, torture them even.” Feykyr explained that his group were known as the GhostBlades, a gang of adventures who were driven from their home of Hita by Hrefna, and they were planning on raiding Hita to reclaim their home and kill Hrefna. Malcolm was instantly on board with helping them out, he even asked if he could join the GhostBlades. Feykyr avoided the question and lead Malcolm over to the GhostBlade leader’s tent, on the way he asked, “So what’s your name lad?” * Malcolm replied, “Call me Malcolm, Malcolm Sinclair.” * Back in Hita, the lads were still imprisoned in the cold dark cell, some manacled and most bearing the scars of their beatings, the fighting outside had ceased with the town guards defeating the bandits. “Keep them alive!” Hrefna commanded, referring to the bandits, “I’m putting them on display in the middle of town, it’ll teach the townsfolk not to disobey!” The guards rounded up the unconscious bandits and dragged them off. * Escape seemed impossible as even the great stone back of Stönback could not break through the solid iron bars. As they sat in the dark, a mandatory silence seemed to impose itself opun each and every one of them and not a word was said for hours upon hours. * Suddenly Kerhsgib starts shaking violently and making small moaning noises, foaming at the mouth like a rabid animal drawing the attention of the guard. The Mad Lads had no idea what was going on but in truth, Kerhsgib had found some old mushrooms in the corner of the cell and greedily gobbled them up after snorting a few of the spores right up both nostrils until he couldn’t breathe anymore. “I’m breakin’ outta here!” the crazed vanara shrieked, slamming against the walls. * The guard patrolling down the prison hall snarled, “Don’t make me come in there, monkey boy.” In response Kerhsgib moaned even louder. “That’s it!” the guard roared. “Stick your hands through the bars!” Kerhsgib wailed, “My hands are bound, you idiot!” * The guard continued to fuss, so finally Kerhsgib stuck his bound hands through the bars. The guard looked down at the monkey boy’s cuffed hands with a joyous expression, he babbled something incoherent before drawing his big daddy beatin’ stick and sussing out the sus hard. * “YOUCH!” Kerhsgib wailed. He reeled back, collapsed onto his back, nursing his awful hand wounds the best he could. “That’ll teach you goons to keep your goddamn mouths shut!” the guard barked into the cell, then slithered off down the hall. “Any other bright ideas?” Stönback asked the group as the Seinfeld Theme suddenly played and the audience erupted with laughter and applause. The scene cut to a commercial break for Flex Tape, then cut back. * “We just need to remain calm. They have to let us out sooner or later.” Nargo said, being the voice of reason. Stönback slammed his fists against the wall angrily and growled, “I want out now!” like a child whining to his mother, wanting her to make him some spaghettios. “We’re bustin’ out of here.” Strongback insisted, “And I think I have a plan.” * Strongback, with all 6 points of his intelligence, devised a plan to escape. Somebody (he recommended Kerhsgib) starts to act a fool, which will cause a guard to open the door and take him away, in that time, the rest of the lads will ambush the guard and escape the cell. Stönback, just as unintelligent, patted his brother’s shoulder and affirmed, “Great plan, big bro!” (It really was a terrible plan) * Nargo finally stands up from his corner and reveals more shrooms that were hidden from monkey man’s sight and had formed a nice cushion underneath Nargo’s rump. Kerhsgib, the most intelligent of the group, eager for another high, once again gobbles them all up after sniffing them as hard as he could. He manages to remain calm up until the last shroom. He stuffs the great big shroom into his mouth and then that really does it. His eyes pop out, he flaps his hands, he blows, he puffs, he yells, he bobs his head up and down, he spits bits of shrooms all over the cell wall. He turns to the Mad Lads and goes, “Watch out everybody, the shrooms are really hot.” * After that display of pure sus from Kerhsgib the Candyman, the prison guard, who had just come out of a room in the hallway labeled “The Chemical Room”, went from being cheery to absolutely furious. “Now you’re gonna get it, monkey boy!” the guard screamed, spittle flying from his piggish lips. Before the Mad Lads’ eyes, the prison guard came absolutely unglued. “All of you!” he screamed, pointing a trembling finger at everybody that wasn’t a vanara witch, “Up against the wall! I’m gonna teach your filthy friend here a lesson!” The guard removed his leather belt, prepared to administer an unforgettable beating upon Kerhsgib. The rest of the Lads did not budge. “DO AS I SAY!” The guard bellowed like a savage animal, foaming at the mouth, his eyes rolling wildly in their sockets, wiggling his leather belt to and fro so that it made a slight wobbling noise much like a big long long aluminum ruler. * “Why don't you step in here and make us?” Stönback asked, cracking his stony knuckles. * The convulsing prison guard screamed down the hall, “BRING ME THE TOWER SHIELD!!!!” Only a few seconds later a couple young guards came trotting down the hall, struggling to carry a massive tower shield. The belt-wielding guard grabbed hold of the shield with his free hand, held it out before him, then commanded, “Unlock the cell!” The two younger guards did as they were told. As soon as the cell door creaked open, Strongback, Stönback, and Nargo barged forward ready to throw down. * The insane guard SLAMMED the three of them with the tower shield, sending them flying. The guards snatched Kerhsgib and drug the moaning vanara out into the hall. Before the lads could spring a second attack, the cell door slammed shut once again. Overall, Strongback’s plan was flawlessly executed. * Meanwhile, back at the GhostBlade camp, Feykyr has just led Malcolm into the GhostBlade leader’s tent. A broad gentlemen adorned in similar garbs to Feykyr stood next to a table, thinking to himself. “Ah, so you’ve arrived. Feykyr, wait outside, I want to speak to our new friend alone.” the leader commanded. Feykyr stumbled back outside and the leader introduced himself as a man named Constantin, then said,“So, how do you do mister….?” * “Sinclair, Malcolm Sinclair.” the gunslinger responded, “So what’s this about that Hrefna woman?” * “Well I’ll tell you…” Constantin approached Malcolm offered his hand for a handshake, just like Feykyr. “Shake my hand first.” He nodded to the gunslinger. Malcolm outstretched his own hand and shook Constantin’s. But, as he tried to pull his hand away, a wide smile spread across the bandit leader’s face, and he squeezed down on Malcolm’s hand, not letting go. * Malcolm, caught off guard by this odd turn of events, stared his vampiric red eyes into Constantin’s, and squeezed his hand just as hard. The bandit chuckled and said, “You’re going to make a great bargaining piece!” he pulled Malcolm into a choke hold. * “Uhhh...WHAT?” the gunslinger hollered as Constantin restrained him. He was dragged out of the tent. Constantin yelled to the rest of the GhostBlades, “COME ON BOYS, WE’RE GONNA GO MAKE A DEAL!” while still holding Malcolm against his will. “You bastard! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill every single one of you dirty scumbags, you mutated malignancies, you loathsome lowlifes, you depraved sub-human filth! I’ll kill you all” the gunslinger screamed, absolutely triggered. Constantin put his arm over Malcolm’s mouth, then marched towards Hita. * “Well Strongback, what’s Plan B?” Stönback asked his brother, back in the cold Hita cell. “I’m thinking,” Strongback growled. * Out in the hall, Kerhsgib was beaten into the ground without mercy before being dragged by his hair into another room, the infamous Chemical Room. Battered and bloody, the vanara wrists were shackled to the side of a fancy dinner table in the middle of the vast, dark room. * On either side of the table sat a pair of bald, short, obese cretins, each holding a fork and knife in their pudgy, greasy hands. Their wrinkled faces were contorted into demented smiles. Both wore bibs that were smeared with blood and gore and sat in high-chairs. Their bald heads gleamed in the flickering light of the single candle on the table, the only light source in the entire room. Saliva drooled down their recessed chins. It looked as though the two of them had never set foot outside of The Chemical Room. "Eat up, you two," said the guard, tipping the cretins a wink before leaving. * Looking down at the shackled witch, the two cretins licked their slobbering lips and prepared to dig in. “It’s dinner time!” one of them squealed with delight. “Thank goodness! I’m starving!” squealed the other, mere moments away from burying his blood-stained fork into Kerhsgib’s skull. * However, the guards had made a fatal mistake when shackling the vanara. Yes, they had tightly bound his wrists to the side of the table… but they’d forgotten all about Kerhsgib’s tail. Knowing that this might be his last chance at escaping, Kerhsgib made a grab for a dinner knife with his tail, but in his beaten and delirious state he missed entirely. * With his last remaining ounce of strength he made a second grab for the knife, and managed to curl the tip of his tail around the blade’s hilt. Without hesitation the vanara sliced open the nearest grubby cretin’s flabby throat, spilling fresh blood across the dinner table. The cretin began convulsing in his high-chair, clutching at his flayed throat. After a few seconds the creature slumped forward and lay still in a pool of his own blood. * The second cretin leapt to his feet, squealing in outrage as he stabbed at the wicth with his fork, but Kerhsgib reacted with snake-like speed and drove his knife straight into the monster’s left eye socket. The cretin stood in stunned silence for a moment, blood trickling down his sweaty face, until at last he collapsed onto the table alongside his lifelong companion. With both of the foul beings dealt with, the weary witch got to work picking the locks of his shackles. * In their cell, Stönback was completely fed up with confinement. He roared and slammed the door over and over with his stone back, hollering insults at the passing guards. The tower shielded guard grew tired of the stone lizard’s behavior. He held his tower shield in front of him and ordered the lesser guards to open to door once again. Stönback charged at him like a wild animal when he appeared through the door. It took all of the guards’ might to bring the lizardfolk down. Strongback tried to assist, but his hands were still shackled, so he couldn’t do much. The tower shield guy bashed Stönback’s stony head with his shield, temporarily knocking him unconscious. Strongback charged forward, hands behind his back, and tried to headbutt the idiot, but the guard was too quick and slammed the door shut with Stönback on the other side with him. The barbarian was brutally beaten. As the beating was happening, the lizardfolk whispered to himself, “Harder Daddy…” He was then taken to the dreaded Mechanical Room. * “WAHAHAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the barbarian cried as he was dragged away. One of the guards muttered, “Please let this be a normal field trip.” * Now the cell held only Nargo the ranger and Strongback the bloodrager. Strongback was seething madly, blithering and squealing angrily. Nargo tried his hardest to remain calm during this hardship, but, he too was losing his patience. * Back in The Chemical Room, Kerhsgib was using his tail to attempt to pick the lock on his manacles, when he noticed that one of the dead guards had a keyring on him with plenty of shiny gold keys. He used his tail to fanagle with the keys and eventually found the right one, and unlocked his manacles. Before leaving, Kerhsgib grabbed some weapons from the dead guards. Free at last, Kerhsgib trundled out of the Chemical Room and sneakily headed over to the cell where Nargo and Strongback were sussing in. Luckily, the guards were not patrolling the halls because they were busy dealing with Stönback in the Mechanical Room. * “Hey guys, it me! Kerhsgib!” the vanara whispered into the cell as he fiddled with the lock and key. For the first time since they met, Strongback was slightly happy to hear Kerhsgib’s squeaky monkey voice. The cell door was unlocked and the golden lizardfolk and the gnoll were let free. Kerhsgib unlocked the bloodrager manacles. * “Now we have to save my brother!” Strongback demanded of the witch. Kerhsgib nodded, then tossed one of the guards weapons to the lizard and gnoll. * In the Mechanical Room, Stönback was slammed down onto a bloody chair that was covered with iron spikes. Rather than shriek in pain, the barbarian began to chant, “I am the Globglogabgalab.” The big guard stood over the lizard, no longer wielding his tower shield. He cracked his knuckles and growled, “I’m gonna teach you a lesson about respect.” * Stönback, not at all intimidated, recklessly hurled insults at the guard, calling him various childish names. The guard's face went beet red as the lizard howled with laughter. He let out his aggression by suckerpunching Stönback in his stomach. The barbarian was briefly taken off guard, but continued laughing regardless. * The guard completely lost his marbles. He picked up a large, sharp hatchet from a table and viciously swung it down towards Stönback’s hand, severing two of the lizardfolk’s stony fingers. * Despite the unbearable agony of losing his fingers, Stönback did not cry out in pain. Instead, under his breath he gurgled the words, “Roll for initiative…” * Suddenly, Strongback, Nargo, and Kerhsgib slammed open the door to the Mechanical Room, startling the big guard, causing him to drop his hatchet. “YOU THREE!” the idiot wailed angrily. He reached for his tower shield, but was too slow, for Strongback had unleashed his furious bloodrage and charged straight at the idiot with the speed of a bullet train. The fool had no time to react when Strongback grabbed the side of his face and, using every ounce of strength that his back contained, slammed his beet head into the cold stone wall. As the bloodrager smeared the idiot guard’s blood and brains on the wall, Kerhsgib and Nargo dealt with the lesser guards cowering in the corner using the weapons that the vanara had scavenged from the Chemical Room. * Stönback was still laughing like a madman, this time at the guard being b00shed relentlessly by his brother. Nobody knew it yet but this was the very moment when something in Stönback’s mind not only snapped, but caused a chain reaction that sent the once perfectly normal lizardfolk spiraling down the path of complete and utter madness. * After thoroughly decimating every bone in the big guard's body, Strongback freed his mad brother from the spiky chair. The stony lizardfolk made sure to collect his severed fingers off the floor. The lads exited the Mechanical Room and, after searching around, stumbled upon yet another door. Peering through the keyhole, the lads were given a perfect view of a couple guards talking. “Yeah, this is a great little operation we’re running here,” said one guard to the other. “No one will ever suspect that we’re actually Frostblood bandits pretending to be the town guards...” * Throwing stealth out the window, the Lads slammed open the door, barged right in, and after a breif struggle slew the guards. The Lads notice the putrid stench of death hangs in the air, and they find torture equipment that is stained with fresh blood. To their revulsion, they soon discover in the corner of the room a towering heap of mangled, twisted, ravaged bodies. The bodies, most being human, were covered with gaping wounds; some were even missing limbs. The dead had been stripped of their gear and valuables, then left in this heap to rot rather than be burned or buried. * The Lads infer that these bodies are past adventurers that Hrefna had imprisoned before slowly torturing to death. "I think I'm gonna be sick-" Nargo began, before vomiting in the opposite corner. * They searched the store room and at last found a chest in the corner which contained all of the Mad Lads’ gear and equipment, including the Viridium Ore and strange stone tablet. The Lads retrieved their weapons, armor, and Skalsgard IDs. Strongback relished in the return of his beloved lavastone fur coat and Two-Handed Greatsword. * Suited up in their armor with their weapons drawn, the lads found the exit and departed the prison, determined to find that Hrefna woman and give her a piece of their minds. * Back to the streets of Hita, the lads come to large spacious area with six buildings, three on each side of them. They stood at the far east end of the street, and at the far west end was none other than Hrefna the Hater. The commander seemed to be preoccupied by kicking a defenseless puppy and laughing maniacally to herself about it, when she turned around and spotted the Mad Lads staring angrily at her. Her dastardly smile fell to an angry grimace as she spotted them. * “So you’ve somehow managed to escape.” she sighed to herself, deeply annoyed, then said, “But no matter! You vermin won’t leave here scot free. You Lads are determined, I’ll give you that, but freedom here comes at a price.” * She called forth four guards, one of which was dragging with him a young, helpless halfling woman. The guard passed her, kicking and screaming, over to Hrefna who now sported the classic villain grin of satisfaction. “You see, this is your ticket out of here. If you run right out of town right now, there is no way I can stop you. But when you do, this woman will die and I’d hazard a guess that you Lads are the hero type.” * She took out one of her scatter pistols and pressed the barrel against the halflings head, “But I’m not unreasonable so I’ll make you a deal. You lay down everything, all your arms, armor, and valuables, I’ll give you the girl, and you boys can run off naked as the day you were born into the cold together.” * There was much debating back and forth but in the end it seemed that no resolution could be made and the Lads prepared for battle. * ROLL FOR INITIAT.--- But wait! From behind Hrefna, emerging from the woods is none other than Malcolm the gunslinger being forcibly dragged by some GhostBlade bandits. The gunslinger is struggling madly, utterly furious. “UNHAND ME YOU CRETIN!” he yelled, his voice muffled by the bandit leader’s arm. * Hrefna turned her attention to the GhostBlades and snickered, “Ah! Look who it is! Constantin and his lackeys!” * “We’re here to make a deal, Hrefna. You leave us alone and we’ll give you this little troublemaker as payment!” Constantin growled. Malcolm was yelling various obscenities and swear words. Constantin approach Hrefna slowly. * Not content with the situation, Malcolm did everything he could to free himself. He bared his razor sharp teeth and bit into the flimsy arm of the bandit leader. Constantin howled in pain and elbowed Malcolm’s side angrily. “Little bastard!” he hissed. Malcolm didn’t stop the assault, he kicked and bit like a wild animal. At one point, he began straining his arms, flexing oddly, as if he was trying to rip the back of the leather jacket. * “I think we can work out a deal.” Hrefna said as Constantin approached. Malcolm used all of his strength to muscle his right hand in punching position and rammed his punching ragger repeatedly into Constantin’s side, spilling blood. The bandit leader released Malcolm and writhed around on the ground, desperately nursing his wound, trying to stop the bleeding. He yelled and cursed at the gunslinger. * Malcolm pointed his musket down at the freak, ready to blow his brains out, but the freak cast some spell that teleported him and the rest of the GhostBlades away with a puff of smoke. * “Nicely done.” Hrefna chuckled, “But don’t think for a second I’m going to let you run off again. If you do, this little girl will be turned into fertilizer for my potato garden!” she rubbed the barrel of her scatterpistol onto the head of the sobbing halfling. * Malcolm pointed his gun at the commander and responded coldly, “I don’t plan on running this time.” He briefly looked behind Hrefna to see the Mad Lads watching this whole thing transpire. The halfling girl sobbed and begged Malcolm to help her. Hrefna put a scatterpistol to the girl’s head and smiled, “How many pieces of her skull do you think will still be recognizable after I blow her puny brains out?” * “Put that girl down.” Malcolm demanded. “But why should I? You haven't done anything for me.” the commander replied cockily. Malcolm offered Hrefna the bowl of mysterious orange liquid in exchange for the halfling’s safety, but the idiot woman wasn’t down with the offer. * “I’ll make you a deal.” the woman snarled, “We’re both gunslingers, so how about this: if you can defeat me one-on-one, then I’ll let this little gal go free.” Malcolm nodded to the Lads then muttered confidently, “Deal.” * ROLL FOR INITIATIVE! * Malcolm is hot. He rips off his leather jacket and tosses it to the ground, exposing a pair of leathery black wings coming out of his back. Hrefna is not hot, she keeps her jacket on, instead she tosses the halfling girl over to one of the guards to hold. “This should be fun!” she hisses. * Down the street, the lads are in combat as well. Nargo and Strongback are fighting tooth-and-nail against the rest of the guards while Hrefna’s back is turned. Stönback takes the opportunity to quietly slip behind a building, out of sight, and plans to sneak up behind Hrefna and slam her. As the barbarian runs around the corner, charging straight towards Hrefna, he bellows, “OH, HELLO THERE!” He then slips on some ice, falls face-first into the snow, and squirms helplessly. Stönback is ticked off. Everyone ignores this act of foolishness from Stönback. * Strongback and Nargo make attempts to rescue the halfling girl from the clutches of the ugly guard bloke and eventually are able to sling the girl over Strongback’s shoulders like a sack of potatoes. * Kerhsgib channeled his witch magic to cast various curses upon the grimy guards and to safely lift the young woman from the strong back to a soft snow bank behind a building. The girl was safe, now all they had to do was deal with Mrs. Fowl. * The snow began falling harder and faster as Malcolm and Hrefna dueled to the death. The commander seemed to have the upper hand, given that she had three guns instead of Malcolm’s one. While he hastily reloaded his musket, Malcolm took cover around the corner of a nearby building. When he’d finally loaded the musket, he aimed around the corner, thumbed back the hammer, and squeezed the trigger… only to hear a faint, disappointing click! “Misfire! Damn it!” Malcolm roared, as Hrefna threw back her head and laughed heartily. “How pathetic!” she scoffed. “You call yourself a gunslinger?” * In his rage, Malcolm hurled his pickaxe (which he’d taken from the mine) straight at the commander. The pickaxe flew a couple feet then struck the ground at Hrefna’s boots. The commander laughed even harder as she took aim and fired. Malcolm took cover just in time, the bullet soaring past his ear. The gunslinger swore under his breath as he fixed up his musket. * The ugly lady guffawed, “Step out where I can see you, coward! Face your death with some courage--” but suddenly a vast shadow fell over her. Before she could retaliate, she was grabbed from behind by the massive golden arms of Strongback. She’d been so focused on killing Malcolm that she’d neglected to hear the bloodrager as he crept towards her. The lizardfolk coiled one arm around her throat, cutting off her air flow, choking the life out of her. Hrefna wore a feral scowl, her face turning red. Yet the commander still refused to surrender. Again and again she drove her elbow into Strongback’s ribs, but she might as well have been hitting a brick wall. * Then Nargo ran upon the scene and helped Strongback restrain the Fowl. One man on each side, they had her in a full nelson and forced her to her knees. * Malcolm peeked around the corner and saw the hyena and lizard holding down Hrefna. “Keep her held still!” he commanded. Kerhsgib conjured up yet another magical horse from thin air. He pulled the young hafling girl atop the majestic stallion then rode through the streets of Hita like a true privileged, cisgender White Knight. * Stönback got up out of the snow and tried hitting on Hrefna. “So, are you doing anything later tonight?” the stony lizard asked casually, “Because if not, maybe we could grab a bite to eat. What’d you say?” * Hrefna ignored the lizard asking him on a date and screamed, “UNHAND ME, YOU VERMIN!” spitting into Strongback’s face. The bloodrager conked Mrs. Fowl’s head and yelled at Malcolm, “Hurry up and finish her off!” * Malcolm was frantically fixing his gun, while Stönback was getting upset over being ignored by the love of his life, “Ugh! Friendzoned again!” Stönback muttered, tipping his fedora, spinning his fidget spinner. * Malcolm finished repairing his musket and approached the woman, still restrained by Nargo and Strongback. “YOU PATHETIC WEAKLING. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE-ON-ONE!” Hrefna shrieked madly, spitting all over the place like a cornered wild animal. Malcolm looked at Strongback and Nargo and demanded, “Let her go.” The subservient lads reluctantly did exactly as Malcolm asked and released the cruel woman. * Hrefna collapsed onto all fours and gasped for breath. Malcolm pointed his musket down at the commander, she slowly stood up and muttered, “So you finally have the guts to fight me on your--” * Malcolm fired a bullet into Hrefna’s chest before she got a chance to finish her rant. The bullet plunged straight through her armor, spilling blood onto the snow. And, before she could retaliate, Malcolm threw his gun to the ground, flapped his black wings and charged at the woman with an unbelievable amount of speed. * He grabbed her arms and flew into the air, slammed her against the wall of the nearby building, ten feet in the air, and began repeatedly stabbing her stomach with his punching dagger, over and over, showing no mercy, utterly relentless. * The Mad Lads looked up with shock as Malcolm brutally ripped Mrs. Fowl’s stomach open. * Barely clinging to life, Hrefna watched as Malcolm barred his razor sharp teeth and went for her skinny neck. Like Sarah Palmer, he tore open her throat, spilling blood everywhere. Malcolm stabbed her one final time with the punching dagger, then dropped himself and the woman to the snow-covered ground. Blood and gore dripping from his fangs and chin, Malcolm wiped his face clean and threw his leather jacket back on, hiding his black leathery wings, then slinked into the shadows, as if nothing strange had happened. * Strongback looked at the gunslinger sideways and asked, “What the hell was that?” Malcolm shrugged simply, as if he didn’t know what the lizard was referring to. Kerhsgib, atop his horse with his rescued damsel, asked, “What was with those wings and fangs? I thought you were a human.” * Malcolm muttered, “Meh…” then looted the corpse of Hrefna. He took all three of the scatterpistols, her bullets, and her silly white scarves. He made a mental note to remind himself to paint the scarves black. Upon the corpse was also a note from a woman named Fenja, Hrefna’s sister and leader of the Frostbloods, detailing the modus operandi of the bandits in Hita, that being extorting the citizens and travelers for gold and sending it back to the Frostblood camps. * A light bulb turned on in Stönback’s head. He turned to the lads and asked, “Hey, does anybody need the body for anything?” Everyone stared at him, confused, then shook their heads no. Stönback smiled than slung the bloody corpse over his shoulder and retreated into an alleyway, behind a building. Everybody shrugged and ignored Stönback’s odd behavior. * The lads began to question the halfling lass regarding the bandits that took over Hita and disguised themselves as guards. The lass introduced herself as Kalda. As she explained the situation to the lads, strange sounds could be heard from the alleyway where Stönback had taken Hrefna’s eviscerated carcass. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore Stönback’s strange strangeness. He returned not long after, his hands on his hips, looking extremely proud of himself. * Kalda explains that the Frostbloods had taken over the city of Hita and had been ruling as an authoritarian government. Hrefna had been capturing every adventurer who came through and took almost everything from the townsfolk. They weren’t allowed to go outside or even look at the new “guards” or they and their family would be brought down to the Mechanical and Chemical rooms to be tortured or likely killed. After all she’s been through, Kalda is exhausted. Strongback, noticing that the young hafling is shivering in the cold, drapes his coat over her shoulders like a true gentleman. Kerhsgib and Stönback find this display of chivalry quite humorous and poke fun at old Strongback but he remains slatwart and stands by his actions. * With no protection from the original guards of the town, the citizens of Hita were helpless against the remaining Frostbloods and Ghostblades bandit clans. The Mad Lads could not leave the peasants to fend for themselves so the only plan of action available was to escort every single man, woman, and child to Hofsvagr and make sure that they were treated well, but that can wait until morning, as the sun is setting and the Lads could use some well-deserved rest after the day they’ve had. * Kalda points the Lads in the direction of a tavern they can sleep in. Stönback, smiling with a twisted grin, asked the halfling if she “needed some company” while she slept. Kalda nervously runs off and hides behind the rest of the lads. Stönback’s grin grows wider as he unleashes his grabby hands. But before the barbarian could get his greasy claws on the poor girl, Strongback stepped in and taught his little brother a lesson about respecting women. Stönback chuckled then shuffled off to the tavern. * The Mad Lads all slept soundly that cold, snowy night, ready for whatever trials and tribulations may await them tomorrow. * During the night, Malcolm remembers that his Skalsgard passport is still missing and demands whoever has it to fork it over. Nargo steps forward and says, “I’ve got it right here.” He reveals the passport, but does not hand it over yet. “At first, I wasn’t sure I could trust you,” he says gruffly to the gunslinger. “After you fled from Hita and left us all to rot in prison, I lost all respect for you. But after watching your battle against Hrefna, you’ve proved your bravery to me. I’m proud to call you a friend, Malcolm.” He handed over the passport, then clasped hands with Malcolm. The gunslinger’s only reply was a shifty-eyed glare and a grumble of disinterest. * Off in the distance, the Lads hear a faint, “huise,” whispering its way through the frozen, dark Skalsgardian night; the voice was as cold and unfeeling as the man it belonged to.. Surely it was the crooked, sinister, loathsome murmur of an elderly, rotund, ungentleman raving about the tight-fisted hand on his precious grindstone. * SESSION END!